Death shall come only once

Teenage woes
Hey, I want talk to you teeny-weeny. Not to worry I will not advice, nor I ask you to procure more marks. It’s just a dialogue and talk back if it helped!
I know teen girls are easy to talk to; but boys never give a heed. Does it hurt us the elders, when in company of attitude or misdemeanour of a person age of their experience? Yes, of course it does, for parents it hurts. But I love to talk to you all coz you are sweet and your actions are age justified. Even you are not able to figure out what’s going on your ever full, crumpled brains. Since you hate to talk to your seemingly rigid Parents, this talk could be a let out. Trust me I won’t talk about careers and other serious stuff with my own kids I shall ask my well-wishers to do that.
Usually Teenagers want to get noticed, yet know not what to do. But by common sense I can say people talk about achievers or toppers in studies. Even being good at any sport or a guy coming up in local newspaper are always talked about. In friends circle, humorous guy is an instant hit. Or else just throw away that Idea of getting noticed; be yourself. Even superstars are forgotten after their films dwindle, right. So, why bother,” Haste Haste kat jaaye raste”( Just move on in your life with a smile). Yet as far as my knowledge goes peers like a strong person a role model sort of a guy rather than those ape film stars or always show off their Parents money. Being yourself and developing a skill of your own can be the best bet, whatsoever.
Getting inspired from TV shows and Movies is favourable, yet their main motive is not educating people but to draw audience should be borne in mind. When they dramatize normal happenings it’s attractive but life is harsh and not that surreal or idealistic, is it not? Life will not act in a pre-determined way it’s very unpredictable right. Doing something out of the way just to get noticed or to impress someone, can have serious damage on one’s future; right?
Before doing anything which can endanger your life you must ask yourself, is it worth the risk? Is it really a life and death question for me? After five years does this really matter as much as of now? Is this friend (accomplice) who is instigating me will stay with me and go through hell if things won’t work out as planned? Why should one get into such an odd thing in the very first place? Most of the time curious onlookers or just once offenders pay a heavy price is it not? So, any unethical, secretive anti-social, work for the sake of quick money or getting noticed or even for a (?) loved one should be totally ruled out.
Nothing is life and death question but LIFE CARVING is.
I read this somewhere,’ Friends support good habits Accomplices support bad habits’. Sometimes in pursuit of or to project oneself, ‘COOL’ teenagers may get into certain groups. Yet few friends are like Dhuryodhan; who gave lots of goodies to Karna but was it really good for him? If you work for a crook how much ever friendly he is; it is regressive, agree?
Not listening to elders and doing things pleases you is okay fine it’s forgivable, can you forgive yourself after say ten years when you are stranded in your life aimlessly? Not studying when you should have may make you regret whole of your life, so balance between your own dreams and expectations of the society.
Friends do have a very crucial and important part in everyone’s life. They alone are not everything in life and cannot guide always since they are equally naïve, is it not? Something good for your close friend may not be as good to you since both are different individuals, is it not? In fact teens should engage in talks with friendly elders apart from parents to have a non-judgemental point of view on life defining aspects.
In studies most Teenagers want quick money or choose courses which may not be their dream defined ones. Just because one of the friends recommended it or en masse all friends are in that group they also tend to go by the flock. Again few people think getting into prestigious institutions by hook or crook will ensure good future. If you dig it a bit you can see, only royal road to better future is college which suits one’s needs, smart (hard) work, improving skills with all possible avenues and focus.
Now it’s time to shape one’s future, instead of following beaten path and hoping for miracles to happen ,take things into your stride, listen to well-wisher’s advice who happens to be in the profession you aspire to be in and then decide what’s best for you.
A Boy of age 20years was clinically depressed and came to me for an informal talk upon persuasion of his worried father. He has entered engineering due to peer pressure and now unable to decide whether to continue studies or to pursue his dreams. I suggested him to go ahead with his plans; but in future only a degree- four letters could have fetched a much more lucrative job he may feel, though he has a superlative skills in his job, but by then it will be too late to get a degree is it not? Recently, I came to know from his father that he is going to college besides shaping up his dreams.
I told one of my benefactor to not to take up CA if she does not have an absolute passion towards it. She tried to clear the CPT twice but in vain which reduced her self-confidence. Not clearing entrance exam do necessarily mean that she is not good enough? In reality you must be smart enough to figure out what you need and what you are good at right?
Teens who seek Medical help have very high, performance oriented stress and are not able to cope with them. This is because of their Parents and Peer pressure as well. It is not the stress, that good one you experience before a stage show or participating in a sport. It just squeezes life sap from them. It makes them seem invalid. Is it sounds like your own story?
So, I guess you need guidance and removal of obstacles in your path of choice but not advice or spoon feeding. Yet its very essential that you talk to elders without negative emotions buddy,life is very precious and no easy ways to achieve in life.
If utterly confused elders duty is to clear the confusion and help you in need of hour. But it’s quite essential for us Parents to read all available Paths and resources for them and again make them recognize that there is only one royal road for accomplishment; hard work and Diligence.
Be strong mentally to meet life’s challenges buddy rather than counting each mark you were supposed to score; work hard with no excuses till exams are over then relax, accept the results and move on. See what best could be done, that’s it.
Courses are not end to achieve but a beginning to an end and that everyone knows. Let you not suffer physically and mentally due to the constant stress. Instead you should be prepared to welcome your bright future with a smile and tools to get where you want to be.


Teen Talk

Boy of seventeen came inside my consulting room with his mother. Just you can understand on seeing him how much he is bored about coming to a Doctor.  On enquiry he will just stare; only his mother answers. I usually try to talk to them those subjects they will be fond of. All boys think Doctors are boring and will be advising relentlessly, only one girl behaved likewise. But they warm up to subjects they may like to talk about. Usually it is Career for boys and beauty tips ;hair related issues for both of them.

Prejudice or fixed mind-set is innate to teens and it’s a tough nail. That air/attitude about them angers adults and will puncture their egos. But considering Teens as equal to Adults is dangerous mistake. It’s tough but after all he/she is our child is it not. We cannot be ruthless. So, being matter of fact with compassion is most essential on our part.

So, Prejudice=compassion.

Teenagers give so much of importance to trivia (or silly matters) that we feel sick of getting them off it. But sometimes travelling in time machine to our own teenage may settle the thinks. Even if we were not like that at least we can gather such references of close friends behaving so, right? Being extremely tolerant on our part is needed. Better if we could steer them out of those habits with

big talk child at heart
big talk child at heart

and agreeing on few issues mutually. For example you say that dress is awesome but teen holds on to age old notion that either too thin/fat for that dress and keeps changing the outfits  for the Nth time, disgusting  is it not;as  time is running out. Even bribing or just hugging your child may all that is needed to fix the matter.

So Trivia=Tolerance.

Age related Hormonal change brings on much of alterations in their feelings that are quite natural. But at the same time they are vulnerable to dangers of getting into the company of wrong people as well. So, Teens should be handled as if they are one year olds. You tie a rope around the baby’s waist let him walk on his own he will falter but we will behave as if we are not aware still remove all blocks and dangers for the baby. Likewise we should be get associatedly dissociated. Just as our Prime Minister said on Independence day speech tracking their activity is very important. Educate them about our familial, Cultural and our own personal preferences as well as our vision for their future. For example you are not for some cultural deviations but your teen will be willing to move with hi-fi society. It is better to talk about those delicate matters; rather than letting them to do whatever they want and suddenly one fine day yelling at them.

So, Immaturity= to educate

Again not only teens but also young adults like to be noticed always. Either they shut themselves up due to shyness or overdo aping some worthless role model and do out of way things just for doing sake.  Both undesired; so, comparisons are useless. We can set a bench mark usually not from our surroundings and remind them time again to emulate their own role models. So, comparing, nagging or insulting Teenagers is in turn detrimental to them and parent child relationship.

So, Getting Noticed=role model

Talking about money and how much is wasted on their activities may not help to win teens heart, (actually it hurts) still it is essential to let your child know how much expenditure is consolidated to meet their needs and wants. Again they must be aware of difficulties in the household, but it must be in an adult to adult manner. They must be aware of all happenings of their home and forcibly (otherwise they will not care) involved in all happenings. Once they get engaged they will be happy to help their parents in household chores but little pushing each time is needed.

So, Values=communication.

Handling Teens is tough no doubt but do our parents felt so when we were teens? Taking things as it comes and simple solutions to day to day happenings is all needed. Thinking dramatically and giving undue importance to minor problems is not helping. But not caring for the child’s emotional needs is also not good. Good communication is basic thing to have a great future of your child. Yet communication gap, occasional yelling on parent’s part all will add zing to our life is it not. Have a great week ahead.




Child Psychology

I heard an interesting terminology’ child centric’ meaning the child’s well being at the center-fold and to make your child get prepared to face this world. Actually children thrive in a guided framework pattern instead of unpredictable patterns. They usually abide by rules and mostly stick to it and expect you not to change rules at a drop of hat, at your convenience.
In his beautiful comprehensive article, Dr.Steve Korner., Psychologist says listening is virtually impossible unless parents are able to constructively regulate their own emotions. Parents and children reciprocally exchange or catch emotions like cold or contagion (i.e. frustration, anger, sadness).  How Parents and Children can function as a Successful Team, Psychology information online.
For example Father is down with some illness Child’s scores in Exam may dip even though every possible help has been provided. If Mother is always on the verge of some Psychological turmoil and child may come up with destructive tendencies. So, not scolding or penalising children does not mean full care provided. Their emotional needs has to be taken care of as well as they have to be involved as an individual in all activities of one’s household. Proper attention matters, more than toys or gifts.
Not only toys are child driven things in our household, we cram our houses with things just demanded by our child or we saw in an attractive ad in a Shopping Mall. Wafers, noodles, pastas, soya products, pastries, cupcakes ……the list goes on for the sake of show off that our household is modern (like the one in TV Ad) refrigerators; cupboards will be filled with all available goodies (?).
One of tiny tot’s Mother was complaining of fussy eating. I asked what he takes in the morning. She elaborated he takes a big glass of milk at 7.15 am and skips his breakfast at 8- 8.15 am. I asked her to prioritize he cannot have both in one hour gap if he drinks milk without fuss then shift it to 10.30 am break snacks, but moderate breakfast is essential and milk alone cannot hold on till 12 noon lunch hour. You cannot just push through all things just because they are healthy into your child’s mouth is it not? They ask for so many things but actually take which is really essential for them only very few children gobble every eatable is it not?
Simple hints to trap your clever child:
1. Keep decisions what and when to buy in your own hands be firm and prioritize, once I bought some health drink since my second daughter asked daily for a month and she had half spoon on the very first day and it went to moths and fungi.
2. Fix adorable yet unhealthy foods for specific time, Noodles or pasta every month once in my household, Pizza done at home from scratch once a month or so, chips chocolates for celebrations or in birthday parties only, hotel food while travelling or occasionally, rest homemade foods and occasional indulgences. They quickly learn and adapt to this and will be looking forward to these occasions. No restriction for Ice-creams and biscuits they are fill-ups or as and when needed.
3. Chats can be prepared at home with some effort, again monthly once or so. Even Spicy Sweet corn or soups can be prepared easily at home.
4. Healthy breakfast is not bread and butter or cornflakes 7 days a week. Bread should not be included in diet, more than twice in a week, instead make habit of traditional breakfasts initially with force; perks or gifts then they will adapt to it, bread or corn flakes should be for emergency purposes only not regulars.
5. Wafers seem to be healthy but are too sweetened and should be kept as a bribe or reward, Cookies is better.
6. Adding variety and new food should start at 10- 12 months of age initially just to taste then teaspoonfuls they gag do all dramas feel hot/spicy but efforts must continue till they come to your terms. They say at least ten tastings are needed for a baby to accept new taste, so keep trying; this is true for older children as well.
To summarize Children are not individuals’ but part of family in all respects; functioning as a unit. They must be respected provided specific role as well as consulted in decisions should be aware of troubles parents are going through yet kept away from difficulties. They need cozy home with caring, attentive parents and material things will come in the last of the list. Take care have a happy weekend.



In modern days Communication is the most important aspect of our lives. Yet we are failing miserably in communication with our loved ones I guess. Or else why so much of uncertainty or hostility in day today lives causing Stress? We wear a beautiful persona on social media or at work place but does that translate for your good at home?
In Ramayan Valmiki while depicting Rama’s virtues says,”Satyam bruyat priyam bruyaat maa bruyaat satyamapriyam….” Speak truth;pleasant ones, do not speak unpleasant ones, still do not lie to coax the person . Ah! Tight rope walk is it not? With some effort you can master this. I try to be honest and highlight which looks better in that scenario rather than lie or telling bluntly that it’s no good. Remember, compliments which come your way spontaneously are genuine, if you are asking,’ how it is’ and the opposite one says ‘amazing’ it is likely that it did not make up to the mark. You need certain amount of courage to accept the truth is it not? So social media is deceptive as it lacks spontaneity, at times people tend to manipulate their feelings due to some obligation or out of pure sympathy for that distant cousin or hold on to something.
Persons vent their feelings non-verbally by body language, but I will not elaborate on this. Still you can communicate without words more effectively. I am not talking about shattering glass vases or throwing kitchen utensils. As someone rightly said, “No one remembers what you did but remember how you made them feel!” You remember the affection of your grandma and the ambiance right? Not that she forgot to give you that extra toffee kept aside in your name.
Ego is the root cause of all evils. But it is such an important aspect of our makeup. Yes, you cannot altogether throw away egoism and become saintly yet you can keep a check on its expressions. Always to be on alert, ‘whether this ego appeasement is going to help me in any way?’ could be one solution. A child wants chocolate and it is desperate about it but if you ask him to complete his homework and get the toffee he will surely do the homework. But an adult will say I am not in need of that altogether and go without that perk just to please his ego is it not? Sometimes adults will go to extremes just to please their egos and create hell for themselves as well as the people around them.
Prejudice is son of egoism which is the main reason for all communication glitches. It is a cloud which settles over and never lets you analyse real situation, keeping cool head meaning free or reduced assumptions or predetermined logic s. The things may not be what they appear to be.
For example People assume Homoeopathy is slow is only for old or chronic diseases. They can go to treatment for weeks on for those unyielding viral fevers orTyphoid with all those tired feel and no interest in daily chores as well as reduced appetite. But they besides hard proof of recovery from fever within 3 days along with no tired feel, good appetite and average energy fail to see the worth of Homoeopathy. It is amusing! Besides that unnecessary subsidy of holding on to those antibiotics or what so ever only few really appreciate the truth. This is prejudice of our collective consciousness I guess.
For good communication which gives you ‘feel good factor’ in life, brings on friends, keeps you happy in all circumstances, leads to happy marriage is achieved with honest talk, renewing your relationship with sincerity, not bragging about your achievements, catching the finer clues of boredom like yawn or shift in focus of listener or else restlessness should make you change topics for more interesting ones. Yet genuine wrapped up praise is a real Ice breaker. You can win most of the real circumstances with these checkpoints I guess. More to come till then have a great week ahead